A fortnight ago I logged off wondering if it would be a long week. It sure was, perhaps evidenced by my lack of blogging, I have just been to busy dealing with life to have the time to reflect here. Having a mixed readership I have been wondering about how much to write here, my uncertainty has lead me to say nothing.... however I have felt privileged to share the ups and downs of many of my blogger friends, and your honesty has encouraged me to share this wee stumble.
The short version is this(and hang in there, I tried to keep it short): A fortnight ago we made the decision to withdraw our very unhappy 2nd born out of her school and leap, hoping that we would find a soft place to land. Moving to a new city, and country has been an adventure for us and really the only thing that has been difficult has been the girls schooling. Only one thing, but oh that one thing is a major.
We resolved the problem for the first born at the beginning of this year and had plans for the second born for next year, but then a fortnight ago it was clear that this was just too far away. So we took the leap and to my great joy and relief the soft place arrived, and after a crazy week of interviews, Dr visits, uniform and stationary shopping, rearranging of finances and farewells, our gorgeous girl headed off, nervous but happy. Most importantly she came home happy and the most relaxed I have seen her in a long time. I am so relieved and now guilty and a little lost. I have been worrying about this situation for some time and relieved though I am, I find myself unsure what to do without the worry. I was unaware of how much it was hanging over me until it was gone. That feeling hasn't hung around to long, already my focus is shifting, (more about that later) but briefly I felt strange and lost without the weight of worry.
Why does it take me so long to leap? I have always found that everything works out ok but I still struggle to hold on, to have all the i's dotted, t's crossed and the ducks lined up, to know for sure before I let go. I need to remember to have some more faith, that I do not have to have all the answers and that I can handle whatever comes my way. Although I know mother guilt seldom does anyone any favours. Choosing school is part of my job and I feel guilty to have failed in this aspect. On the other hand I also know that this journey has lead both my daughters and myself to some good friends, friends we wouldn't have otherwise found. And life is a journey isn't it and an adventure and sometimes it is smooth and sometimes it isn't and as far as life stuff goes this was just a wee stumble along the way.
So there you are out the other side of this little stumble with only a grazed knee.
And on the way my creative space went around in wee circles starting like this on my return to Australia
Getting a bit of a tidy up
And then returning to chaos as I tried to keep on making things amongst everything else going on
before being sorted again.
This cycle is pretty constant for me and the first time I have been brave enough to share the chaos, but while I'm being honest right? For more creative spaces go see Kirsty