Monday, August 10, 2009

A long week/fortnight

A fortnight ago I logged off wondering if it would be a long week. It sure was, perhaps evidenced by my lack of blogging, I have just been to busy dealing with life to have the time to reflect here. Having a mixed readership I have been wondering about how much to write here, my uncertainty has lead me to say nothing.... however I have felt privileged to share the ups and downs of many of my blogger friends, and your honesty has encouraged me to share this wee stumble.

The short version is this(and hang in there, I tried to keep it short): A fortnight ago we made the decision to withdraw our very unhappy 2nd born out of her school and leap, hoping that we would find a soft place to land. Moving to a new city, and country has been an adventure for us and really the only thing that has been difficult has been the girls schooling. Only one thing, but oh that one thing is a major.

We resolved the problem for the first born at the beginning of this year and had plans for the second born for next year, but then a fortnight ago it was clear that this was just too far away. So we took the leap and to my great joy and relief the soft place arrived, and after a crazy week of interviews, Dr visits, uniform and stationary shopping, rearranging of finances and farewells, our gorgeous girl headed off, nervous but happy. Most importantly she came home happy and the most relaxed I have seen her in a long time. I am so relieved and now guilty and a little lost. I have been worrying about this situation for some time and relieved though I am, I find myself unsure what to do without the worry. I was unaware of how much it was hanging over me until it was gone. That feeling hasn't hung around to long, already my focus is shifting, (more about that later) but briefly I felt strange and lost without the weight of worry.

Why does it take me so long to leap? I have always found that everything works out ok but I still struggle to hold on, to have all the i's dotted, t's crossed and the ducks lined up, to know for sure before I let go. I need to remember to have some more faith, that I do not have to have all the answers and that I can handle whatever comes my way. Although I know mother guilt seldom does anyone any favours. Choosing school is part of my job and I feel guilty to have failed in this aspect. On the other hand I also know that this journey has lead both my daughters and myself to some good friends, friends we wouldn't have otherwise found. And life is a journey isn't it and an adventure and sometimes it is smooth and sometimes it isn't and as far as life stuff goes this was just a wee stumble along the way.
So there you are out the other side of this little stumble with only a grazed knee.

And on the way my creative space went around in wee circles starting like this on my return to Australia

Getting a bit of a tidy up

And then returning to chaos as I tried to keep on making things amongst everything else going on

before being sorted again.

This cycle is pretty constant for me and the first time I have been brave enough to share the chaos, but while I'm being honest right? For more creative spaces go see Kirsty


pilgrim said...

glad you've made it out to the other side and 2nd born is happy :) i'm dreading the school decision. So far i'm only enrolled in denial haha

Nikki Cardigan said...

This type of situation will always bring some guilt with it. If you had moved too quickly, you may have had guilt at an incorrect decision. Unfortunately there is no one right answer or one right thing you could have done here. While choosing a school is your job, it is a really hard thing to do. As a teacher, I am often asked 'how do you know a good school?' and I don't have an answer... because I don't think there is one. I imagine there are girls who love the school where your daughter was miserable. And that's as close to an answer that I have got... you have to find a school that suits YOUR child. And the only way to find out is to ask lots of questions then hope the answers you were given were true. If not, then you make a change - as you have done.

You have shown your girl that you love her and respect her by giving her time to try and work things out, then supporting her by making a change when she needed you to.

I wonder if it takes you so long to leap because you want to make sure you are doing the right thing? You can't be too hard on yourself for wanting that.

I hope things continue to look up for you all.

busy lizzie said...

You are not alone. I think most of us at some time have gone through this sort of thing. We are also in the process of trying to sort out school situations, not quite knowing whether things will work or not. As for your work space. It looks remarkably like mine! I got honest about mine and posted about it, with before and after pics. Sadly the "after" picture didn't last too long!!

Tinniegirl said...

Leaping is a constant act of practice I think. I'm glad your landing was soft and that you are letting go of the worry.